Maximum Star Wars: Episode IV
by St. Fang of Boredom
Summary: After a really random scene, Iggy Skywalker is supposed to save the universe. But, Fang Solo is drunk, the plot is deteriorating, and Gazzy's emo. Obviously, a parody. OOC. Random. The consequences of boredom.


I am bored.

I am currently unable to update any of my other stories for a number of reasons, some of them being writer's block.

So here I am. In a lunchroom. Literally writing the first words that pop into my brain.

Squee!

**Disclaimer-rama!:** I don't own Maximum Ride, Star Wars, or any other famous-sounding thing I may mention. I think you people are smart enough to figure out what I do and don't own. Use your heads! Or Google!

And SparxFlame owns the phrase: Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!

* * *

Fang: I see pretty stars!

Max: Really, me too!

Iggy: I can't see them! -cries hysterically- What's wrong with me???

Gazzy: You're blind, fo-shizzle.

Iggy: Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nudge: WTF? Gazzy's a gangster?

Gazzy: I'm a Jet!

Fang: I'm a Shark!

Gazzy: You're Puerto Rican?

Fang: ¡Sí, porque soy totalmente impresionante así, usted niño insignificante!

Gazzy: Go away!!! -goes to hide in corner-

Fang: ¡Viva El Queso!

Max: Fang, stop being a Puerto Rican Gangster! You turned Gazzy emo!

Gazzy: -is dying hair black in corner-

Fang: Stop ruining my happiness!

Max: Bad Fang! You're not getting any tonight!

Saint: -runs in and waves red flag- Max! Penalty! Rating is T!

Max: Oops, I mean....you're not getting any cookies!

Saint: So _that's_ what we're calling it now......-disappears-

Iggy: Look what I found! Well, I can't look at it, but you guys can!

Max: Oh My Cheesy Socks, it's a light saber!

Iggy: -is suddenly dressed like Luke Skywalker- -grabs Fang- Come, Hans Solo! We must save the galaxy! -drags Fang away-

Angel: -is hiding around corner- Foolish mortals! They think they can save the galaxy from the likes of me? Ha! For I am.....

-big pink puff of smoke-

Pink Vader! -is in pink vader outfit-

Saint: No, my brother-in-law is Pink Vader!

Angel: He's not in this fic, though.

Saint: True. Carry on.

Angel: Anyway, off to destroy the galaxy with my evil flower troopers! Come, Celeste! -disappears-

* * *

A long, long time ago, but somehow, in the future.....

-Star Wars Theme Song-

Iggy Skywalker and Fang Solo have just rushed off to save the galaxy from unknown evils. Well, the evils are Angel, but they don't know that yet.

Princess Max Organa has somehow magically tagged along. Oh, and Fang Solo has a sidekick! Totalbacca! He doesn't really like him, though...

There destination is planet Tattoome, where everyone has a bunch of ugly tattoos and is drunk most of the time. Bunch of rednecks, if you ask me. As for why they're

headed to Tattoome, I'm not quite sure, since EmoGazzy is driving, and he recently became depressed ever since Fang Solo insulted him in Spanish, which is weird, since

I don't think Gazzy even speaks Spanish. Anyway, he could just be driving eratically. Anywho.....Oh! The Writers just informed me they're going to Tattoome to meet up

with Obi Jeb Kenobie so that he can help Iggy Skywalker discover his Jedi powers. Wow, a blind Jedi.....How's that gonna work? Ok, so the Producers and Director say

I'm wasting the opening credit space with random ramblings, so we're gonna run the cool space-movie thing now. Toodles, folks!

* * *

Fang: Gazzy, how close are we to the planet?

Gazzy: Who the flip cares? I hope we crash. Life is a waste.

Fang: .......Whatever.

Totalbacca: -random noises-

Max: Ummm.....the freaky monster just made noises at me.

Fang: He says you look nice. -glares at Totalbacca- Back off, furball!

Iggy: I can't wait! We're gonna meet Obi Jeb Kenobie!

Fang: Yay, an old, drunk pedophile. Sounds like a blast.....

* * *

-starship crash lands on planet-

Iggy: Yay!

Max: Finally.

Totalbacca: -random noises-

Fang: Awesome......Let's get drunk!

Saint: -appears- Rated T!!!! -disappears-

Fang: -shrugs- Heck, I'm stuck with a delusional blind kid, a pissed off Princess, a freaky-sounding creature, and an eight year old emo and we're going to go pick up an old pedophile. I'm getting drunk.

-walks along-

-get attacked by sand people-

Sand People: Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!

Iggy: OMC!!! They've been hanging out with SparxFlame!!!! -passes out-

* * *

-Later-

Iggy: -wakes up- Ow......

Obi Jeb Kenobie: Hey, sexy.

Iggy: What?

Jeb: I mean......Welcome, young Skywalker!

Iggy: Oh, you must be the Obi guy!

Jeb: Yesh, I be he!

Iggy: Ok.............Where'd everyone else go?

Jeb: -shrugs-

* * *

-in the middle of the desert-

Max: -wandering around- Where is everyone? Guys? You _**cannot**_ leave me with the freaky monster and the emo kid!

Totalbacca: -random noises-

Gazzy: I _knew_ they'd abandon us.......Life is meaningless........

* * *

-in a bar somewhere-

Fang: -is drunk- -talking to someone in bar- So, what brings you to this side of the galaxy?

Edward Cullen: No clue, I just appeared here.

Fang: Wanna ride my spaceship?

Edward: WTF??!!

Fang: No, really, I have a shipspace. A space.....ship.

Edward: Ok.........

Fang: Sweet! -waves to person across bar- Hey, sexy!

The Hobbit Named Spiffy: -whispers to Pooky the Penguin- Do we know him?

Pooky: That's Justin's deadbeat dad, remember?

Spiffy: Oh, yeah........

* * *

-Later- -Again-

-random meaningless battle scene-

-spaceship flies off with all characters magically aboard-

Writer 1: Hey! What happened to all the other stuff? What about Iggy's training? How'd they meet up?

Saint: Low budget. Had to cut that out.

* * *

-on the ship-

Max: Fang, are you drunk?

Fang: I swear to drunk I'm not God!

Jeb: Yeah, he's drunk. I know drunk.

Fang: I'm not as drunk as you think I are!

Totalbacca: -random noises-

Gazzy: I'm setting our coordinates for the planet Croissant and sending us into hyperspace. Not that it matters........

Fang: Nope!

Gazzy: -cries-

Max: Gazzy, stop being Zac Efron!

Edward: -is curled up in corner of ship, confused- I wanna go home!!

Saint: -appears- Stop whining or I'm giving you back to Crazi Fang now! -disappears-

Edward: -shuts up-

Max: Where'd Iggy go?

Jeb: I think he fell in the plothole.

Max: Crap. -goes over to plothole and pulls Iggy out-

Plothole: Awwww.....I'm so lonely!

Max: -grabs Totalbacca- Here! Have him! -throws him in-

Fang: Yay! No more freaky thing! Marshmallows!

* * *

-Later, on the way to Croissant-

Fang: I have a headache....

Max: That's what you get for getting drunk!

Saint: -appears- Don't do drugs, kids! Give hugs! This message has been brought to you by The National Republic of Canadia, Rice Crispies, and the letter Ñ. -disappears-

Writer 1: What was _that_ all about?

Saint: Trying to raise money for the budget.

Edward: Ooooo.....Look at that big moon out there!

Max: That's a really shiny-looking moon.........

Gazzy: Who cares?

-ship begans to get sucked toward 'moon'-

Jeb: We're being sucked into the moon's orbit!!

Fang: Wait, that's no moon......it's too shiny.

-get sucked onto space station that they thought was a moon- -flower troopers surround the ship-

Max: What do we do?

Writer 1: Wait, weren't they supposed to save the Princess from the space station?

Saint: Oh, will you just shut up already! We're fudging it a little!

Writer 1: A _little?_

Saint: -shoves sock in writer's mouth-

Jeb: I'm gonna go play hero now! -pulls out light saber- Use the force, Iggy, you sexy beast! -jumps out of ship and begins to brutally murder flower troopers-

Iggy:......Huh?

Fang: Told you he was a pedophile.

Pink Vader: -comes around corner- Obi Jeb Kenobie! We meet again......For the last time.....

Jeb: You were the chosen one!

Pink Vader: -smacks forehead- Wrong line, Jeb! That's from Episode lll.

Jeb: Oh, well...........DIE!!!!!!!

-Jeb launches himself at Pink Vader, who just swings her light saber at him- -Jeb's empty cloak falls to the floor-

Iggy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Max: -pulls out magazine-

Iggy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fang: You done yet?

Iggy: Just hold on one more minute.

Fang: Ok.

Iggy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I'm good. Let's roll.

* * *

Gazzy: -gets spaceship the hell out of there-

Iggy: -is crying hysterically-

Max: It's ok. He was an old pedophile, anyway.

Gazzy: Everyone dies. That's all life is.........

Fang: Here, I still have some Tattoome Beer here. Get drunk, it helps.

Max: -smacks-

Saint: -appears- -smacks- -disappears-

Fang: It does help! I didn't feel a thing!

Max: -smacks again-

Fang: Nevermind....

-suddenly, Iggy hears Jeb's Voice in his head-

Jeb: Iggy........Iggy!!

Iggy: WTF? I thought Max heard the voices!

Jeb: Whatever. You need to go to planet Dagwoodabah and find Jedi Master Saint.

Writer 1: What? What happened to Yoda?

Saint: Oh, like we could afford Yoda! Plus, it _is_ my fic!

Iggy: Ok! Hey, everyone! The dead guy's talking in my head and says we need to go to Dagwoodabah!

Max: Oh, 'cause _that_ doesn't sound crazy!

Gazzy: We have no point, anyway. I'll set the coordinates.....

* * *

-Sometime later, the ship crash lands in Dagwoodabah Swamp-

Max: Ewwww......it's swampy here!

Fang: I'll save you from the swampness! -picks Max up and carries her-

Gazzy: No one carries _me_, of course. I'm just a loser.....

Iggy: Saint! Jedi Master Saint!

-chanting is heard in the forest-

Chanting: Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!

Iggy: It's the Sand People again!

Fang: Not in a swamp, dumbass!

-person in a cloak appears at edge of forest-

Person: Welcome, Iggy. I have been expecting you....

Iggy: Are you Jedi Master Saint?

Saint: I am.....Actually, I'm a Jedi Mistress. I can't believe they're still calling me 'Master'. Sexist Bastards.

Iggy: Soooooo.......are you gonna teach me a bunch of cool Jedi secrets?

Saint: No.

Iggy: Then why am I here?

Saint: -shrugs- To add to the slowly deteriorating plot.

Producer: -runs up and whispers to Saint- -runs away-

Saint: Ok! I guess I'm supposed to act like I'm teaching you some cool stuff. Sooooo.....Let's get teachin'!

* * *

-Later, Iggy is made to try to lift big rocks with his mind-

Iggy: What's this supposed to teach me?

Saint: Uhhhhh.......How to.......lift big rocks?

Max: Hey, what happened to Edward?

Fang: He stayed on the ship.

* * *

-Meanwhile, on the ship-

Edward: Boring........

-sees plothole-

Ooooo...... -reaches inside-

-pulls out Nudge-

Nudge: Finally! I've been waiting to come out of there ever since I said my one line!

Edward: Who are you?

Nudge: I'm Nudge! And I can attract metal! And feel people's feelings by touching stuff! And I like to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk-

Edward: Ok!

Nudge: Who are _you?_

Edward: Edward Cullen.

Nudge: Squee! _The_ Edward Cullen? Twilight's Edward Cullen? OMC, you're, like, the hottest guy in the planet!!!

Edward:.......Really?

Nudge: Duh!

Edward: I like you......

* * *

-Back with the trainingness-

-Iggy is made to toss bananas at trees-

Iggy: Ok, what the heck am am I learning from _this?_

Saint: -shrugs- Aim?

Iggy: But I'm blind!

Saint: Oh, yeah.........

-Fang and Max have randomly disappeared somewhere n the woods. We're not going to tell you where they are, though, since this is still rated T-

Gazzy: -is meditating- I think I've found a point in life again! Hummmmmmmmmm.............................................. -floats-

* * *

-Iggy is now made to cook Saint dinner-

Iggy: What great Jedi secret am I learning here?

Saint: None. I'm hungry!

-Fang and Max return-

-Gazzy is still floating-

Saint: -to Fang and Max- You guys been 'eating cookies' again?

Fang: -flips Saint the bird-

Saint: Fang, needles......

Fang: -cowers-

* * *

-Back on the ship-

Edward: ...And that's basically how I wound up here. -sighs- I may never go home!

Totalbacca: -sticks head out of plothole- What a sad story! Oh! I mean.....-random noises-

Nudge: -pats Edward's arm- It's ok, you can hang out with me!

Edward: You're such a nice person.

Nudge: Yeah..........Hey, you get the feeling Saint can't figure out what better to do with us, so she keeps giving us random dialogue?

Edward: Yeah, I was getting that, too.

Nudge: Let's get married!

Edward: Why?

Nudge: Well, it'd be more interesting than this random conversation.

Edward: -shrugs- Ok.

* * *

-Laterness....-

Iggy: -is dressed in graduation outfit-

Saint: I hereby give this young birdboy, Iggy Skywalker, his Jedi Diploma! -hands Iggy diploma-

-Gazzy and Fang clap- -Max takes pictures-

Monks: Hum, pocky, pocky, pocky, DEAD PIÑATA, DEAD PIÑATA!!!

Saint: -mutters- Maybe I should stop using that now..........SparxFlame may kill me.....But it's just _soooooo_ addicting!

Fang: Back to the spaceship!

* * *

-At the spaceship-

Saint: Bon voyage!

Monks: -wave goodbye-

Gazzy: Thank you for all you have taught me! May the force be with you!

Saint: Oh, yeah, Iggy!

Iggy: Uh-huh?

Saint: Max is your sister!

Iggy: WTF???????

Saint: That's nothing! You're gonna be an uncle!

Iggy: -stares at Max-

Fang: Here we go again...

Iggy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

-Iggy wakes up at Dr. Martinez's house-

Iggy: What the-?

Max: -comes in his room- Iggy, you waking up yet? It's 10:00 a.m.!

Iggy: Max, are we related?

Max: Uhhhh.......not through blood......

Iggy: Are you pregnant?

Max: WTF?! NO!

Iggy: Ok.......

Gazzy: -runs in- Morning Ig!

Iggy: Have you found the meaning of life?

Gazzy: No..........

Nudge: Hi, Ig!

Iggy: Nudge, are you dating Edward Cullen?

Nudge: I wish!

Total: Morning!

Iggy: You're not making random noises! Yay!

Angel: -comes in- Hello, young Skywalker....

Iggy: What?

Angel: Iggy, I am your Cousin. -pulls out light saber-

Iggy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

And _that_ is why me with nothing better to do is a scary thing.............

Fang: _Very_ scary.......

Me: I think I'll try to update Double Date now......maybe the Poetry Corner.......something, anything!

R&R? I don't blame you if you don't know what to say. Neither do I.......


End file.
